So, I get up this morning… course it’s hard to get up, but I get up. I lingered in bed for a good 20 minutes waiting for hubby to get home from night shift. At 7:30 when he still hasn’t come in yet, I get up anyway… drag myself out. I still had a bad taste in my mouth from last night when I bit into a strawberry and got THE worst bittery taste ever. A little afterwards, I managed to quell the nausea long enough to sniff the offending fruit and managed to detect a VERY strong odor of an insecticide flavour. The entire fruit was saturated with it. I don’t know if I am going to be able to eat the rest of them…
But I digress: I haul my ass out of bed this morning and, as usual, bring my cereal in front of the machine to eat. I check my mail, I buy a couple of buildings on Facebook Metropolis … I chuckle at a few things and THEN I check my Facebook mail … and WHAMO! I get hit so hard in the gut that I literally start coughing and crying.
A colleague with whom I worked with at Digicel – missing and presumed dead at Frenchman’s Cove, Portland (Jamaica).
WHAMO!
It’s like I was having a flashback …. everything around me got dark, watery, cold … sound of water in my ears … I am panicked … I can’t breathe, it feels like there is water in my lungs, something yanking on my legs so hard that I can’t move them… all of that spanned maybe 2 seconds…. when I come out of it, coughing, sputtering … cow-bawling! I don’t know WHY I had that … what do you even CALL that? I mean, Andre and I spoke briefly maybe 3 times since I left the DBA section at Digicel. Don’t get me wrong, I REALLY liked him, and I think he liked me to some extent. We were never close… not like bosom buddies or anything. There was a mutual respect and maybe a little more respect for him on my part – he was so smart, so willing to learn, so willing to help, such a golden heart….
I gotta admit – this news … it has hit me like a house… not like a brick, like a damned house.
I don’t know … I don’t know what to do with myself.
For the day I was ok – I chatted with Lonna and tended to customers and kind of escaped it for a while … but … the reminders are everywhere… the dinner: because I was bawling over it when hubby came in this morning… that is how ridiculous this is for me. I mean literally WTF?
/sigh
Gone too soon, Andre. Gone WAY too soon. Bet you never knew there would be this much sensation over your death. Hope that wherever you are, you are happy again and that it warms your heart to know that you were loved this much.
Man! Just writing that makes the tears brim again. I SO need to pull myself together … and just CAN’T!
/sigh
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