My mind is like a combination train and bus station. Grand Central Station, comes to mind when I say that. There are always a million and one things happening at once. Thoughts arriving on the 5:10am train from somewhere, stepping off the steps en route to somewhere else. There are the thoughts that are sitting around waiting for their train or bus to arrive so that they can leave for their destination. And the ones that are just arriving by cab outside – they haven’t bought their tickets yet, not sure when they will be leaving, but they can’t wait to get on a train and get moving.
And while all this is happening, one can’t forget the thoughts that actually work there – the concession stand thought who has been standing on his feet all day, dealing with all kinds of thoughts – like the rude thought that just barged ahead of the line and demanded a cup of coffee and a bagel. The security thoughts who are tired of just walking around doing nothing – there aren’t any unruly thoughts to police and it’s been a boring watch all round. The janitorial thoughts that are sick of the endless fight to keep the facilities clean and sanitary.
My husband says that clearing your mind is an easy thing – you just … clear it. I don’t think he understands what’s involved in clearing my mind – that would take an act of God (the Goddess??). And there is always that one little stray thought that just refuses to obey orders. Despite the fat, yellow tape across the entrance that says “DANGER DO NOT CROSS”, he crosses anyway because he left his briefcase on the floor beside the bench he was sitting at and he just has to get it because there are important papers in there for his boss to sign in the morning.
And even if I just decide to let them be, to let them trundle out to their relevant conclusions, most conclusions are really just the introductions to some other story – like the thought about how tired I am. You would think that kind of thought would be done at “Boy am I tired!” – but it isn’t. That kind of thought is the end of a yawn or stretch, but then it’s the beginning of the “If only I hadn’t slept until so late yesterday morning …” thought that goes on to recap why I slept so late and how that contributes to my being tired now. Which in turn goes on to chronicle the nights of bad sleep I’ve had for a number of days now. Which then goes back to the shootings that occurred here one Thursday afternoon in November, when one completely insane army Major opened fire on innocent soldiers and civilians for a reason that most are speculating is terrorism-based, yet I know could just as easily be a man driven to insanity by what he was being asked to do.
And there we have it – the train of thought (pun intended) that leads from “Boy am I tired!” to “Damn that Maj. Hasan – could he NOT have just turned the gun on himself instead of 43 innocent people?”
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