I am sick again – for the third time this season.

The first time was a cold, the second time was the flu and again I am battling with a cold. It seems as if no matter what I do I am destined to be always fighting off some bug or other. I comfort myself that it’s just that my body having been dried and burnt out in Texas for 2 years and not being used to this cold and wet climate. That it is just overwhelmed and that sooner than later it’ll be able to withstand the constant barrage of germs. That pep talk isn’t working.

I know that the greatest part of my problem is being sedentary and as much as I would love to run – yes, I think I would love to run – I just can’t do it now. I can barely walk. Yoga was a problem. Just going the 300 or so feet to the mailbox is an issue. Sometimes just carrying a laundry basket up the stairs here at home makes me winded. I am in bad shape.

I have never been very active. High school was the last time I was physically active and without batting an eyelid, I will tell you that high school for me was a good 30 years ago. Yes indeed. I am that old. And lately, I have been feeling it. Lucky for me, I think I finally figured out what is wrong with me and I am going to get it looked after. I sincerely hope that once this treatment kicks in I can actually climb the stairs here at home, at a brisk trot and not feel like I’ve run the marathon when I get to the top rung.

That being said, I refuse to let this cold keep me down for much longer. It’s kept me mostly stationary all weekend. There are so many things I should have been doing this last month. Not the least of which is spending time with my friend and her newborn. I am tired all the time, and I am sick almost every other week and I just don’t feel well. It has got to stop NOW.

School starts next month again, and hubby will be gone for 6 weeks starting the first. I need to get myself sorted out quickly. I can’t be alone and sick for 6 weeks whilst I take on extra work and school. So I’ve vowed to also include a dose of airborne everyday with my one glass of lemonade too. I think in a little while work will require me to be up for far later at nights and awake far earlier in the mornings and I need to prepare myself for that.

(P.S. By the way, I am loving After the deadline. )

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I haven’t written in forever.

I haven’t done much of anything in forever except the bare minimum necessary to stay sane.

I get up in the mornings, work almost all day until about 4ish when I cuddle on the recliner with the cats until about 10ish when I attempt to go to bed. It hasn’t been working very well – the sleep attempts – since here I am in Jamaica and am sleeping as if I haven’t slept in 8 months. Well … I’ll tell you I feel so tired as if I haven’t slept in 8 months – so that may not be too surprising.

Yes. I am here in Jamaica. All the things that used to annoy the HELL out of me are faint irritations now; the street noises, the heat, the mosquitoes, the constantly ringing phone in my parents house, the barking dogs in the neighbourhood, and the hovering my parents are doing … all of it a wonderful welcome. I feel like I was missing out.

It’s good being here.  I am indulging in a good deal of decadence – I had bun and cheese for breakfast and dinner yesterday and that’s in addition to the patty for lunch and curry chicken and breadfruit for supper. Plenty of fruits – Dad sourced ortaniques for me and coconut water has been rolling in by the quart.

I am in Jamaican food heaven.

Christmas feels burdensome to me, though. I really am just hoping it comes and goes without so much as a peep. I’d rather get to the other end of this holiday as fast as I can manage it. It is just WAY too empty without hubby by my side – whether we would be here in Jamaica enjoying the Christmas breeze, or in Michigan up to our thighs in snow. It wouldn’t have mattered so long as I could have had him with me.

The luck of the draw precludes that from happening … and so here I am in Jamaica attempting to obliterate that empty hole in my life with as much of the familiar from my old life as I can find. So far, it’s working. I am not thinking about it as much as I probably would be had I stayed in Texas alone.

However, it seems as if I am fighting some kind of bug – I am tired all the time and today I literally feel ill. So some reading for the rest of the day and some sleep too maybe.

All in all, it’s been a good week or 2.

I have so much more to write about – but I’ll try and get all that in after I get back to Texas. For the time being, I am all about soaking up as much of this as I can – maybe it’ll be enough to carry me through these next 4 months or so until hubby comes home.

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So a lot has been happening, and I haven’t been blogging about it. I need to find a way to get a blog post off at least once a day – somehow.

So anyway … about 3 weeks ago, I had to be on antibiotics for a couple of days. On Thursday night, I took my first dose along with 2 melatonin to help me sleep. I had been having problems sleeping and the doc had suggested I substitute the melatonin for the Ambien I had been taking. Well, within an hour, I was up shivering, gasping for breath, in pain. Frankly, to this day I am not entirely sure what the chest pains and the shortness of breath were all about, but I do know the shivering was a fever because by the time hubby was awake for PT the next morning, I was roasting to the touch, but shivering as if the temperature was below zero. He made me take my temperature and we found I was running a temperature of over one hundred. So I banished myself to the bed for the day covered in a blanket and dressed warmly.

I managed to kick the fever that day and was weak as a newborn for the weekend. But come Sunday, the fever was back. The odd thing about the whole experience was that not once did I have cold symptoms – just the fever – and despite what a good doctor friend had said, I made an appointment with the doctor for the Tuesday morning because that the fever kept going away and coming back was troubling.

It’s funny, but I felt so isolated and scorned when both the PA and the nurse walked into the room wearing masks. Frankly, I knew exactly why they were wearing masks, but it sort of hurt my feelings since I know I… well, I didn’t think I was THAT contagious. But they have to protect themselves and their patients … and not knowing what I had, they HAD to be careful. It was logical and rational; and it was clear to me at that point why some people just lose their minds when these things happen. They just give into the feelings, instead of thinking of the reasoning.

Anyhow, they stuck a swab way back into my nose to take a sample to see whether I had the flu (and I am guessing what kind – with all the panic over H1N1, I wouldn’t be surprised) and they were supposed to call me by Friday but they never did. I took that to mean that whatever it is I had was not serious enough for them to call. Besides, she sent me home to drink lots of fluids and get lots of rest and it seemed to have worked because by the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling tons better.

Well, anyway, I made a pact with myself to (1) blog more often and (2) make the blog posts short and readable – so I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow with more on the latest news.

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Yesterday was my first day-off. I had hoped for the entire weekend off, but it looks like it was not in the cards for me. I mean, I am sure he would have given me the day off today too had I asked, but the thing is, since this is a peak season, it would probably be good to get in as many hours as I can so I can take full advantage of it – more hours = more money. He DID warn me that there will be weeks when he will be hard-pressed to find 40 hours for me to work … so I guess I get this part of it over now and then I can have a couple or more days at a time in a week or 2. Frankly, I don’t feel like complaining … this all brings me closer and closer to my iPhone in a week or so. Oh I seriously can’t wait. THAT will be the highlight of my week, I know.

Today is first day of work for me this week and this week is going to be HELL. 12-5 today, 11-7 tomorrow, 1-9 Tuesday, 10-6 Wednesday and Thursday and then 1-9 on Friday again finishing the week with 9-5 on Saturday … Man! Tough week ahead.

So, Bear is being quite anti-social these days. He no longer wants to lie on my desk watching the outside anymore, he disappears soon after I get up and he stays disappeared until its food time at 5:30. I won’t lie, I am beginning to feel resentful… sad and resentful. He doesn’t pay much attention to Nala either … it’s like he’s the boss and he does what he wants, when he wants … and if you neglect to organize his care in time … h’oh boy …. meow crescendo in the place.

To his credit, VERY briefly last night when he came out for food and realized I was reclining on the couch, he jumped up and kinda lay beside me for a minute or 2… but then he was off batting the mice under the furniture. And then when he was done with that, it was back to meowing at me very plaintively like he hadn’t eaten for days. It’s unsettling and very disturbing for me. I called him ALL day, I kept calling to him “Bear honey – where are you?” “Bear come sit with mommy” … nothing. /sigh

And now this morning, he was on the desk when I came out, but as soon as I sat down, off he went. He’s not sick … cos he eats and bathrooms just the same … and he plays at night just the same and tries to get into all the closed doors he can find … so .. must be something else. Nala? Cos she is overly affectionate. She makes up for him and THEN some. He hasn’t hurt her. And he doesn’t seem to WANT to hurt her. But I dissuade her as much as I can from being herself just so he doesn’t feel left out .. doesn’t work – he still just keeps a far berth. The thing about Nala is that she TAKES her affection. And she does not take no for an answer.

I dunno … I am about ready to just give up. Hubby and I make these special efforts to include him … call for him, push Nala away for him, give him treats and not her. He seems adamant to be the strong, silent type. Oh well, I guess that’s just how it’s gonna go then … may as well make up my mind that my cuddly Bear is now a thing of the past.

Well, may as well start my day …

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But now that I have been awake since 1am with what seemed like the worst indigestion since the stone age, but then turned into my worst nightmare … I am SO not in the mood.

Worst nightmare = puking last night’s dinner, half into the basin and half into the toilet.

Ugh.

needs comfort

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