Sights, sounds … from a day on post:

• BOOOOM! – explosions on the ranges. Sometimes, even being far away from the ranges, the sounds of mortar fire carry anyway. It can be a little unnerving to hear that, hear the house shake in response and feel the trembling beneath your feet. For the first few weeks that I lived on an army post (Fort Knox) I would jump 50 feet in the air. Nowadays, I just listen to make sure nothing in the house is going to fall and break and then back to what I was doing.
• Wee-ooo-eee-ooo – sirens. I have to say that here on Fort Hood there are far more instances of sirens wailing on a daily basis than there were at Fort Knox. It’s become common place to hear them for me here. At first I would get up to look and see if I could see what was happening that would require emergency services, but now it’s “ho hum”. Sad. Fort Knox never had this much action.
• ACUs – everywhere! First, for my non-army readers, let me explain the acronym “ACU”. This is what the uniform is referred to as. ACU is an acronym for “army combat uniform”. Now, imagine having just about everybody around you dressed in ACUs … that’s what it’s like. Every 5th person is in civilian clothes and half of those are sporting soldier haircuts so you know they are military too.
• Bugle calls! – you all know what taps by bugle sounds like? We get that every night at 11pm. Now, imagine hearing that bugle between 7 and 10 times a day. Soldiers get bugle calls: to wake them up, to tell them it’s time for PT, to tell them it’s time to report to work in 10 minutes, to tell them work is starting now, to tell them lunch hour has started, to tell them lunch hour is about to end, to tell them lunch hour has ended, the workday is about to end, the workday has ended, that “Day is done, gone the sun / From the lakes, from the hills, from the run / All is well, safely rest; / God is nigh.“. Some people hate it … I like it; even when I have to stand at attention at 1700 for end-of-day call (if I am outside, of course).
• Yellow ribbons – plastered on cars windows, bumpers, doors, houses … everywhere. That yellow ribbon is a staple and is usually accompanied by the Army strong sticker. Sometimes, it feels annoying…
• Huge building numbers – every building on post has it’s own unique number and it is usually posted prominently on a black plaque with large white numbers. On Fort Knox, when we would order pizza, all we needed to give them was our building number – didn’t even need the road name. That was a new one on me.
• Street signs aplenty – the USofA are big on street signs since they enforce their road code with an iron fist. However, you will find that most military installations tend to overdo it so that NO one has an excuse for breaking the law. This is even more noticeable in a school or residential zone. I think on our road alone, here, there are 5 speed limit signs.

There … pretty much a day in my life.

Anybody else want to share their sights and sounds?

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A few months ago, I made a rather cryptic blog post about my life. Back then, I felt a little … cute … blogging about being a military wife and I didn’t really want to expose myself too much. Things have changed somewhat for me – while I am still wary of being exposed, I realize that blogging about it is going to help me … and it just might help someone else who is dealing with some of the same situations I deal with. Therefore, being heretofore, a mostly private person, I am going to have to tolerate a certain amount of exposure in order to help myself and others.

In that particular post, I made the following statements:

• It sucks pretty bad when a work colleague says to you they like you, that they are going to miss you being around and that it’s a damn shame that you’re leaving … and then you realize that you have no choice in the matter.
• It sucks even worse to not know whether you WILL be leaving even up until almost the last minute. It especially sucks because I don’t know what to tell people (employer).

And as a half-assed result of those 2 statements, I got:

• I REALLY need to find a way to earn and be occupied using the internet as my commute – I KNOW I won’t be able to do this separation every 2 or 3 years without totally falling apart each time.

as a conclusion.

To clarify those statements a bit, I got a job in April of this year working with a cellular company in Kentucky. I was ecstatic about it and for 2 reasons: (1) it was a JOB after nothing for months and (2) it was in an industry that I was perfectly at home in considering I spent 6 years of my former career at Digicel in Jamaica.

Being a military spouse, and them knowing I was a military spouse made my sojourn at this job the best work experience I have had in my entire life. At least, this is my view. I think every single person who I came across there had the thought in the back of their minds “Oh – she’s a military spouse – she’ll be moving on anyway” when they spoke to me. Everybody was all praises and love. Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW that a lot of the praise and love had to do with my work ethic too – everybody loves Jamaican workers – we have a work ethic that is long lost in todays world.

But I digress – and that is a WHOLE ‘nother post.

Being a military spouse has its ups and downs and in this particular situation, one of the downs was very clearly and firmly introduced to me with great impact. As a general rule, we will ALWAYS be moving on. Leaving Bluegrass was one of the most emotional scenes I have had to deal with up to now. I never thought I would be one of those people who cried because they were leaving a job. Well, I literally cried my last night leaving Bluegrass. I cried almost all the way home.

Frankly, dear readers, I do NOT want to have to go through that ever again. Oh sure, “you’ll get used to it” I can imagine you all saying … that’s not the point. I don’t want to – I want to have that joy I experienced when I got the job without the despair when I had to leave it. And I do not want to become numb. Is that too much to ask?

Therefore, my quest is to find a way to work, earn, occupy and be able to take it with me to our next duty station without having to say goodbye. Tough, you say? Maybe. BUT, I sure am gonna have fun along the way.

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Yesterday morning, I watched my husband get ready for his first day of “Road to war” training. As usual, he got into full uniform (ACUs they are called) and then grabbed his armor and put that on too. That armor is heavy as shit, let me tell you. When he first put it together, he allowed me to try and lift it and that was a total disaster – I don’t think I budged the thing 2 inches off the ground. If I had to guess, it weighs almost as much as I do … and these days I’m not that much of a lightweight anymore.

So, he is standing in our dining room, armor on, helmet in hand and telling me goodbye and all of a sudden …. tears.

It was a very odd feeling, because I had not – up to this point – merged images of those soldiers you see on TV in full armor with guns with images of my own husband. And all of a sudden, his face was imposed on their faces and it HIT me that he is going to war.

I blogged earlier about not being prepared for this deployment and needing to have a plan and I think I was worried that the whole shebang would creep on me and dump a world of hurt when I least expected it.

I guess I was wrong. I am being prepared every single day for it. In small bits and pieces, yes, but still …

Even more so now that he plays Rainbow Six every night before bed and I watch him and see him so into the game. Last night, I asked him whether the game was in any way realistic and if he thought it might help him somehow. He barely looked at me and said “I think so” and I realized then and there that whether he wants to admit it or not, he is a little excited at going.

It sounds pretty ghoulish, but when it comes down to it, he IS a soldier. This is pretty much what he’s been training for all his career. Why should he NOT be even the tiniest bit excited? I don’t begrudge him that at all.

At the end of the day, I only wish one thing for him – that he return to me. In one piece of mind and body would be preferable, but I recognize that will be a feat in itself considering where he is going, and so I humbly ask only that he return to me.

/sigh

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