the .: fyr :. light

If you asked me what the trigger was for walking down memory lane today, I don’t think I could tell you. I started with when I first started playing WoW, scrolling through old screenshots of me in-game in those early days. Those triggered some bad memories, because the people with whom I played with at first are no longer a part of my life. It wasn’t so much the fact they were now persona non grata, but more the how of that fact that was sad. The better memories came when I stumbled on old screenshots of myself and hubby in-game.

You see, it was in the World of Warcraft that I “met” my now husband. And quite soon after I began playing the game in the first place. We “met” during a random encounter in-game. He was rude to me and I was rude back at him. Throughout the encounter, however, I realized that I liked his style — he wasn’t your usual typical senseless, stupid kid. He seemed to actually be a mature adult. So after said encounter, we agreed to hang around together some more.

From then on, we were practically inseparable – in-game that is. And when a couple months later he told me that he was going to be gone for a long period of time, I thought to myself “now why in heck would he think he needs to tell me that?” It was a long time for me before I registered that this was a real person behind the cartoon game character. I just never cared to find out more about this person. To be perfectly honest, my own life was as full as I intended to ever make it. I had experienced a great deal of drama and trauma in my personal life up to this point, and I had just about had it with people in general. So the fact that he was an actual person with whom I interacted regularly was beyond me … much less someone whom I would end up caring for and loving.

It wasn’t until much MUCH later that he said something to me that caused the ka-ching to happen in my head… something that indicated to me that while all I was doing was a mechanical kind of interaction, something was going on for him on his side … that he had made some kind of step forward whilst I sat back, stuck in that initial phase. It occurred to me that a fun dalliance with an nameless, faceless person might just be the thing I needed to get my head out of the doldrums – to enjoy life again. Even then, it never once occurred to me that it was going to be real, or that it would get much further than a few fun encounters.

Events followed that led to this day in a convoluted series of events that when I think of them now, I wonder how in HELL we got so lucky. The variables were stacked staggeringly against us almost every step of the way – from the cost of frequent visits to his profession and it’s restrictions among other things. Even our own stubbornness and resistances seemed to work against us.

Frankly, I look back and realize just how remarkable that we came to be together anyway. There was so much that we had to deal with to get here… not the least of which was age, cultural and professional differences. Yet somehow, we managed to get here. And here is somewhere so blissful.. so bright .. so shiny..

Every single day, every conversation I have with the other wives, I realize just how different we are, how lucky we are, how blessed we are, how open and how functional we are … how happy and how healthy we are. And happy isn’t even the right word … because we have our moments when happy is just not it. We get angry, we are sad, we are frustrated and worried and scared.. and we are all those things together. I’d say that beyond happy, we are content, satisfied.

I would have to say that is probably one of the greatest feats of all time – being content.

And the single most remarkable fact in all of this is that …. it all started in a game. And yes, even after all this time, it still makes me go “hmmm”

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