This week is shaping up to be rather productive. After a loving pep-talk from the hubby, I decided to forcefully take back my time. Enforce my boundaries, organize my time and insist that everyone around me march to my tune.
Ok, ok – maybe not so much … but with a little help from specific people and suggestions, I managed to re-capture my time and am now working to keep hold of it. It’s easy to say: “here are my boundaries, please respect them” it’s a whole new deal to actually maintain and respect them yourself. So I have been attempting to get up at 6:30 every morning and start the day.
What I’ve been trying to do, also, is get some things out of the way too before I even sit down to work – things like, making breakfast (including my pot of tea), scooping litter (probably going to have to scoop twice a day now with 2 kitties), starting laundry (if there is any to start), etc. It helps to actually get up and get dressed too. That way the routine of washing my face and getting out of what I slept in and putting on something else gives my body the idea that I am starting my day.
I discovered something else about me yesterday too … talk about intense people? I tend to get VERY intense. It shows in my work. Yesterday, I worked in an intense frenzy from 6:30 until about 1:00pm – at which point I had to take a break I was exhausted. Which means that I need to watch myself, slow down some, pace myself better. On mornings like this one, I can do the frenzy for the first hour whilst I get the newsletter out. Then take a break (like I am now) and slowly deal with the rest of my list. This is how I believe I burned out of corporate life so quickly. I didn’t pace myself well at all – so I was always burning myself out during the mornings and boring myself to tears in the afternoon. After a while, that gets really tiring… exhausting either. The kind of exhausting that sits in your bones and weighs you down.
This morning, I am slowing down so much I decided to unplug the ‘puter and take it outside in the backyard – sit on the “patio” and work in the morning sun and breeze.
It’s nice here in the mornings. It’s cool (about 75 this morning), sun is pretty and not yet hot as all hell. Birds are always plentiful anyway and the sky is blue and pretty … one problem … the bugs. I think I just had a twice-larger-than-usual wasp fly by me. I admit, I shrieked .. then looked around to see if anyone heard me. I hate bugs. I think it’s probably time I went into the shed and hauled out the bug lamp. I know during the day is wasting energy, but bugs are out in the daytime too – aren’t they? ugh
Last night I had a moment – I walked into the closet to put up clean clothes and decided to bury my nose in hubby’s clothes. BAD IDEA. The tears started … I could feel them pricking behind my eyes – just wanting to come out. I felt the emptiness of him being gone so acutely that it hurt my chest. I wanted to curl up and cry. Instead, I pushed my chin up, finished putting up the clothes, shut the closet door firmly, dived into the shower and scrubbed myself neck to toe (including the callouses on the soles of my feet), warmed up dinner, ate and chatted to Mistikhal and DJ … Ha!
Cam – 1; sadness – 0! Take THAT! Booyah!
I had been warned about episodes like that. That they would be sudden and unpredictable and that they would take me completely by surprise. Granted, it was my bad to go stuffing my nose in his clothes, but still – I never expected to almost break down. I just expected that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you encounter something familiar.
That’ll teach me! /sigh
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