the .: fyr :. light

I got there an hour early, just because I didn’t want to get caught up in minor details and ish that would delay me getting to the window. Ya … .right.

All told, they spent a grand total of 15 minutes with me spread out over just over 3 hours. What a joke.

I get to the door outside and tell the guard I am there for an interview. He asks for my appointment letter and then proceeds to insist that I can’t take my cell phone in with me. I guess it didn’t occur to him that I could have known this, because I said to him “I left my cell phone in the car” and he looked stunned.

Incidentally, there were these 2 women hanging around the entrance trying to surreptitiously tell me that cell phones weren’t allowed. They kept calling to me and telling me this. Maybe it’s me, but all I could think about was “What business is it of yours anyway?” Then I remembered hearing about a scheme where people would keep your belongings for you for a small fee. Gawrsh! Are people THAT desperate for money? Ugh.

Anywho, after they x-rayed my handbag and document case, the searched through my bag so thoroughly, I almost wondered whether they had been TOLD to expect something to be in there. Oh wait, right. I didn’t slap my forehead with agony outside and go “Yuh serious seh mi cyaan cyarri my phone in deh?” so clearly, I must have the phone in my bag. Ugh.

Once they were certain that I had indeed not taken this dastardly cell phone into their precious compound with me, they directed me inside to some glass doors. Going in, I saw no one but 2 other lackeys like me frantically writing something. Then a woman came in and loudly told me to take out my photos and passport and appointment letter and to sign the back of all my photos. She handed me a number after this first encounter and told me to wait for my number to be called.

So in I go and wait. After about 40 minutes, I get called and a very sullen woman tells me to give her all my paperwork. So I hand her everything. A nice big wad of paper and silently wished her well wading through it all – cos I had had hell with the sheaf – and an entire sheaf it seemed to have been to me. She has me sign something and sends me to wait some more for my number to called again.

About 30 minutes later, they call my number again. Fingerprinting time. Ok. Nothing more. Go sit and wait again for my number.

Finally, after sitting through something like 30 minutes of THE noisiest twin girls and their mom, I get called again. And this is the big joke part:

She goes: “Hi. I’ll be just one sec.” Me:  Sure She: Do you have divorce papers? Me: Yes. It should be right there. She: Oh. Pfft, I’m looking at it. Me: smile She: So you got divorced in 2000? Me: Yes She: Ok. another 30 seconds pass She: Ok, I’m going to have you sign these 2 application forms and give me your passport. Me: signs the forms and hands over passport She: Ok. Have you ever been to the States? Me: Yes She: Do you have a current visitor’s visa? Me: Yes She: Did you have a visa before this one? Me: Yes She: Ok. Well, I’m just going to go ahead and cancel this one since we can’t have you having both visas now, can we?

….

I take a moment to gather my jaw up off the ground and cradle it gently in my arms and then I tell her “Ok”.

The rest of the “interview” was formality. She asked why honey-sunshine wasn’t here, what he did, whether we had a date, whether I’d had problems with the police or courts, whether I had medical problems and then she sent me off to arrange for delivery of my passport in “up to 3 weeks”.

Gah. All that stressing over NOTHING. What a joke!

My jaw is back on the ground, by the way.  My arms are tired from throwing them up so many times in the last 2 months. I got tired of lugging it around.

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