This week is quite easily one of the worst weeks yet, in this deployment – for dozens of reasons.
Today, though, I was brought face-to-face with a very obvious fact. My friends love and appreciate me. It even seems as if 2 in particular are tag-teaming because one takes up the slack that the other leaves when their own lives call on them and I am finding myself without too many moments of utter despair and loneliness.
Thanks guys – you know who you are.
As for why this week has been the worst, I can’t really explain. It started with the flowers arriving and kind of climaxed with the disposal of said flowers when they finally died over a week later. It’s like a dam broke and ….
I just miss him.
Really badly.
And it hurts more this week than it has in the last 7 weeks. Maybe I just wasn’t dealing with it before, or maybe this is something new … and it doesn’t matter – at least I am attempting to face it.
/sigh
Tough as hell … house feels empty and barren; I feel lost and purposeless and without focus; and the brain is in hibernation – because simple things have become complicated and complicated things just plain impossible. Simple things like making a grocery list. Complicated things like …. work things. I made a monster mistake yesterday – one I wouldn’t have made normally. One that has me mortified.
Right now, I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it’s all better… considering it all, that would work out to be sometime in April of next year.
/sigh
All in all … it would be a hundred times worse if it weren’t for you guys who are there for me – even when I don’t think I need it.
So, thank you … all of you.
I appreciate you.
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