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I keep thinking I should go get a “real job”. The extra money would be awesome right now – I could pre-order the next generation nook! But I have to ask myself whether that is what I REALLY want to do. With FRG duties warming up and opening up a whole new world of possibilities for activity, will getting a day-job leave me with time to write?

On the heels of that, I ask myself if writing isn’t what I really want to do. I have no concrete idea of where my writing is going to eventually take me, right now I am just content to write, and write and write … I know I need a plan, goals, dreams … and I am not averse to a novel or other similar publication sometime in the near or distant future. That would actually be awesome. I realize, however, that I have a lot of work to do with my writing before I get there.

Maybe part of that realization is based in fear – can I write something that people will enjoy, want to read, make them come back for more? How do I deal with the possibility of getting a “real job” which takes time away from writing? Suppose I am offered a job … what then? Should I say “no thanks. I am working on my writing career” or do I take the job and use the money to invest in my writing career?

Of course, having worked a full time job in Kentucky before moving here with hubby, I know full well that an 40-hour-job is going to render me incapable of doing anything but just existing. And frankly, I don’t want that. I know this. Yet I still struggle with the decision – even though it is essentially already made. What does this decision say about me? Does it say I am determined to make something of myself? Or does it say I am making excuses to stay home and be lazy?

lazy |ˈlāzē|
adjective ( lazier , laziest )
1 unwilling to work or use energy : I’m very lazy by nature | he was too lazy to cook.
• characterized by lack of effort or activity : lazy summer days.
• showing a lack of effort or care : lazy writing.
• (of a river) slow-moving.

I want to write but I fear what people – my husband first and foremost – will think of me if I insist I want to stay home and work on a writing career. I don’t want to be seen as lazy, or reluctant to work, or a deadbeat. I do tend to be somewhat of a procrastinator but I get things done. And one thing I have been noticing about myself for a week or so now is that I like to write! Lazy doesn’t fit someone like me who cooks, cleans, washes, writes – oh yes I write a lot – read, care for my husband and cats …

So, maybe my goal for now needs to be convincing myself and those who I consider closest to me that writing is a perfectly reasonable career to work towards. That it has merit, that MY writing has merit. Maybe that will be my newest short term goal: the point at which the decision to work on my writing career no longer has a cringe attached to it when said out loud.

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