the .: fyr :. light

Since we haven’t been told which day exactly hubby is leaving, we sit and wait this week … wait for a phone call. One phone call that could come at any time – night or day – that will forever change our lives. It sounds dramatic, but I tell you that it is not untrue nor is it overstated. This deployment has already changed us in ways that I don’t know that I would see normally. If it were not for blogging about it, or being able to talk to people who know me well … I don’t think I would notice the changes at all.

For one thing, the hole in my chest right now would be a LOT larger than it is – but somehow, I have managed to prepare in some small way for this.

For instance, I have been able to discuss things with a certain detachment that I am not wholly sure I would have been able to before.  I have always been somewhat practical about illness and death and the issues that go along with those things. So much so that I often never discuss my views with people for fear of coming off as cold and heartless. The thing is that I have always thought that these things are a part of life and that we can’t hide from them. We can’t hide and we must prepare – no matter how hard it is to do so. However, I have never been IN the situation that needs that kind of discussion before now. And this one is above and beyond your normal preparations – know what I mean? I can’t help but feel, though, that in some way my long-time views helped me with this.

I have tons of distractions lined up … I tell myself I will be fine. I tell myself the year will be gone before I know it. I tell myself that I am used to being alone and fending for myself and that my forced independence of a few years back was good for something. It feels comforting to tell myself these things. It even feels as if there is truth behind them too.

The best part of all this is my true friends who – in spite of all their own trials and tribulations – have pledged their time and their voice to lending me support when I need it most – through this the most difficult year of my life to date.  I know I will have to do a lot of the legwork on my own to get through this, but it’s very encouraging to know that there are people who are there and willing to lend an ear if I need it .. when I need it.

Good friend betta dan packet money. (Jamaican proverb – good friends are better than pocket money). And I’ll tell you this – there is no truer saying than that.

In happier news, my boss has invited me to Costa Rica later this year to attend the first ever company meeting. It sounds like he has big things planned for me and I am actually excited about it. Aside from just feeling like I am appreciated and needed, it will certainly be an adventure and true fodder for my little S2 IS. So I am marking that down on my calendar beside the trip back home to Jamaica to see my family and friends who I haven’t seen in almost 2 years.

Distractions, activities, plans, projects and plenty of hobbies to keep me occupied. Frankly, I think I am going to be fine – in so much as the year will seem to fly off like feathers on a stiff summer wind.

Yea! Looks like “purging the negative” post helped.   It’s ALL good! wewt!

I better be careful or I’ll end up with too much to do this year…. giggle

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