the .: fyr :. light

A few months ago, I made a rather cryptic blog post about my life. Back then, I felt a little … cute … blogging about being a military wife and I didn’t really want to expose myself too much. Things have changed somewhat for me – while I am still wary of being exposed, I realize that blogging about it is going to help me … and it just might help someone else who is dealing with some of the same situations I deal with. Therefore, being heretofore, a mostly private person, I am going to have to tolerate a certain amount of exposure in order to help myself and others.

In that particular post, I made the following statements:

• It sucks pretty bad when a work colleague says to you they like you, that they are going to miss you being around and that it’s a damn shame that you’re leaving … and then you realize that you have no choice in the matter.
• It sucks even worse to not know whether you WILL be leaving even up until almost the last minute. It especially sucks because I don’t know what to tell people (employer).

And as a half-assed result of those 2 statements, I got:

• I REALLY need to find a way to earn and be occupied using the internet as my commute – I KNOW I won’t be able to do this separation every 2 or 3 years without totally falling apart each time.

as a conclusion.

To clarify those statements a bit, I got a job in April of this year working with a cellular company in Kentucky. I was ecstatic about it and for 2 reasons: (1) it was a JOB after nothing for months and (2) it was in an industry that I was perfectly at home in considering I spent 6 years of my former career at Digicel in Jamaica.

Being a military spouse, and them knowing I was a military spouse made my sojourn at this job the best work experience I have had in my entire life. At least, this is my view. I think every single person who I came across there had the thought in the back of their minds “Oh – she’s a military spouse – she’ll be moving on anyway” when they spoke to me. Everybody was all praises and love. Don’t get me wrong. I KNOW that a lot of the praise and love had to do with my work ethic too – everybody loves Jamaican workers – we have a work ethic that is long lost in todays world.

But I digress – and that is a WHOLE ‘nother post.

Being a military spouse has its ups and downs and in this particular situation, one of the downs was very clearly and firmly introduced to me with great impact. As a general rule, we will ALWAYS be moving on. Leaving Bluegrass was one of the most emotional scenes I have had to deal with up to now. I never thought I would be one of those people who cried because they were leaving a job. Well, I literally cried my last night leaving Bluegrass. I cried almost all the way home.

Frankly, dear readers, I do NOT want to have to go through that ever again. Oh sure, “you’ll get used to it” I can imagine you all saying … that’s not the point. I don’t want to – I want to have that joy I experienced when I got the job without the despair when I had to leave it. And I do not want to become numb. Is that too much to ask?

Therefore, my quest is to find a way to work, earn, occupy and be able to take it with me to our next duty station without having to say goodbye. Tough, you say? Maybe. BUT, I sure am gonna have fun along the way.

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