Whilst I was preparing for this deployment, I stumbled upon many situations where people would bitch about things that seemed really trivial and anal. Little by little, however, I am realizing that you really can’t know what it’s like until you are in the situation.
I should know this lesson by now … I’ve found myself on the inside AND outside of this concept so many times that it should be perfectly obvious to me by now.
The one that struck me today was a comment by a military spouse with a non-deployed husband. She missed her husband – she commutes to a neighbouring state to work whilst he remains back home to work. I couldn’t help but feel as resentful as the bitchy army wife I read about on the MilSpouse website forums so many months ago. I really felt like saying “I bet he’s stateside though, eh?” or maybe a little more nasty with a “Be thankful he’s not half a world away”. It’s amusing since I believe these were the EXACT same sentiments that that wife on the forums was expressing. Amusing because back then I was muttering whilst I read and saying, “Chill out! The whole world is not defined by you and your deployed husband.” …
Except … that the WORLD is defined solely by hubby being deployed. MY whole world!
I squelched my bitch-response … but it got me thinking about perspectives and this one in particular that I am not entirely sure that people get.
I mean … do you guys GET why it is such a big deal?
I don’t even know if I can explain it in terms that can give you the full picture and feelings … but I am going to try…
- It feels like you are all alone in the world; you know you aren’t because you have family and friends and hobbies and interests and work, but you still feel alone…
- You very easily feel lonely in the middle of a crowded place – a club, the mall, the supermarket…
- It feels as if you’ve suddenly started speaking a foreign language – as if no one else can understand what you’re saying.
- It seems as if all you ever do anymore is bid goodbye to those who love you the most and whom you love the most.
This is how I feel these days. My friends are there and I cannot fault them in the least. They know exactly what to do, what to say, when to check in and how to distract me or cheer me up. It’s actually kind of scary how they know what’s in my head. (I can only hope to be as in tune with them). The fact is, however, that if I say “OPSEC” or “blackout” or “NCO” or even “down-range”, they all are clueless.
When I say I miss my husband, it’s because he’s half the world away, and I won’t see him for another 9 months … not because he’s in the next state working until the weekend.
And this is not to say that wife is not justified in missing her husband whom she saw yesterday… not at all. In fact, I’ll tell you a secret: envy is what fuels my bitch-response – I WISH my husband was in the next state working until weekend. I really do.
Perspective… it changes everything … and I find as I grow older and wiser that it isn’t so much the feeling that makes the horror story, but the expression of such without an understanding of the perspective. So yes, I squelched my bitch-response because I was able to stop and think about the 2 perspectives. They are newly married and the next state is the most separation they have ever had to endure – not a THING wrong with that… so long as you can realize that for me, that would be heaven right about now – being separated by state lines instead of multiple time zones.
And yes – on this day, which marks our second wedding anniversary … I miss my husband.
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