o geez. not again.

I thought the drama and emotional roller-coaster rides had taken a hike. No way. I am a mess again.

I’ll be the first person to tell you that I am DYING for all this to be over with. This stress is likely to kill me before then, but I tell myself I’ll die happy if I do.

Stress is a funny thing. You never really know it’s there until something breaks - and I don’t mean physically falls and breaks, I mean something in the head. You’ll be going along fine and then BLAM! something gives in your head and you become a raving maniac. Oh yea. I’ve had a couple of those happen these last 4 days. You’d never know it from my blog - but I can tell you FH (future hubby) is being a darling and putting up with me. I think he just KNOWS how hard all this is for me and that is the best part of all this. He understands and is patient.

Hell, patient is his middle name anyway.

My mother never realizes when she’s being overbearing. I sometimes think it’s sweet. We were discussing my wedding dress and she described for me something you’d put your 15 year old daughter in. At first I was just miffed … (WTH?), then I was amused. She still seems me as her little girl. *giggle* It’s cute actually. Try to imagine me (those who know me personally), in frills and cap sleeves and an a-line skirt that covers my knees! *guffaw* Mom, I love you.

I feel a little bad that I wasn’t able to fawn over her on Mother’s Day. I had a good reason - I was bent over (while standing) in pain and laying curled when I was horizontal (and horizontal is how I spent most of the day). Man! What kind of punishment is this?  Despite this, she did say it was a good day … I think part of that was that she got to be a “real mother” again. “Do you want me to fix you something to eat?” “Here. Drink this and swallow an advil, it’ll make you feel better.”

Dad helped me tho, which is odd in itself. And together we managed to make mother’s day a pleasant day for her. She did absolutely nothing in the house all day. Which is something I think my mother should have more often. But being the busy-body that she is, that would be like trying to make a dog take a shower complete with shower cap and sudsy liquid soap smelling of lavender and a luffa. Ha!

So anyhow - going to head on out now. Y’all take care, hear?

Light be with you all.

who would you like meet?

So, my honey-sunshine and a mutual friend are MySpace …. users.

So I’ve started paying a little more attention to my own MySpace account, made it private, kinda updated a little info, added them both as friends …. you know, kind of make my presence less empty. And one of the boxes on there asks you to list the people you’d like to meet.

Well, I thought I’d share the list here too:

Mel Gibson
Halle Berry
Iman
Martin Luther King Jr
Mary Magdalene
Gandalf the White
John Lennon
Sarah McLachlan
Diana, Princess of Wales
Sarah, Duchess of York
William Shakespeare
John Milton
Walter Sickert
Leonardo Da Vinci

I’m sure there are more, but these are the names that come to me.

What’s that? …. Who’s Walter Sickert?   Google him.

thoughts … and thinking

Well, it’s another weekend. I watch the weeks marching their way onward and realize that if I blink too hard I may miss them all. These ARE my last few weeks (months?) in the country of my birth - shouldn’t I be drinking as much of it as I can? I mean, I’ll never be able to be here for extended periods again … right? Coupla weeks at a time maybe if I am lucky?

I think one of these weekends demands a round-the-country drive … I’ll see if I can engineer a night in Negril and I’ll travel west on the south coast, stopping at every place I can remember as being special … and maybe even scrounging out a new spot or 2.

Though, when I think about it …. just the drive to Lover’s Leap is likely to be torturous … and if I go to Lover’s Leap, I need to go out to Treasure Beach as well … need to see once more the spot of my near-demise. That story you’ll have to get from me some other time - but to cut a long story short: massive wave action, rocks and a 120 lb woman do not mix; but solidly built friends who are quick on the uptake are the saviours of such tragedies. I still have the scars from that day.

I’d want to take a jaunt into …. crap, the name fails me. Park and river in St. Bess - popular spot for picnics, tours, etc. You park at the entrance and little train like vehicles take you into the park itself. Geez. My memory is not what it used to be.

Then after that I’d head straight into Negril and lay my head down for the night. Onward through Montego Bay the next day, grabbing photos so that my friends in KY can associate a cityscape with the restaurant of the same name. Straight on through Ocho Rios, stopping only to catch a breeze and onto Oracabessa and thereafter Firefly .. .where I MUST stop and fill my camera with photos. I won’t be seeing that place again too son - I need to have every angle and every corner captured on film.

By that time I think I might be just about done out … so I’d probably (sadly) skip the Eastern end and do the cowardly thing and head back into town via Junction … stopping of course to take in one last breath and view of Castleton gardens.

…

It sounds adventurous and fun, doesn’t it?

I hope I can muster the courage (not to mention the energy) to do it.

changes … again!

Well, that last theme had a touch of nostalgia to it. I loved it, don’t get me wrong. But it … nevermind. The point is, I’ve changed my theme. I like this one simply because of the suggestion of light. The lamp and the original quotes… I forget what they were - I changed the quotes to be reflective of ME instead.

My theme quote for everywhere is from Helen Keller - a blind woman of great accomplishments. “Everything has it’s wonders, even darkness and silence…” she says … and darkness and silence is where I am most fulfilled. Odd? Yes. But who didn’t always know that the Fyr was odd?

And that quote from the Desiderata - controversial at times, yet SO potent in it’s message. Always keep your faith close - no matter what that faith is. It speaks of tolerance and acceptance … well, the whole piece does, but those few words convey it so well for me.

/sigh

Yes. It fits.

G’night.

no emo today

Well, I managed to escape the emotional roller-coaster today. It seems to have taken a short vacation. But I did not sleep last night either. Well, I did … until 1am when the mosquitoes woke me. Then once I was awake, there was no going back to sleep. So I got up and played with my rogue until she was 5 and a half bars from 70. Logged out and crawled back into bed at 4am and watched the ceiling for about half hour before I fell off again. Ergo, this morning I was feeling like crap YET AGAIN.

Anywho - I did manage to get some stuff done. Not the least of which is getting my rogue to 70. Yep - my third level 70 character!

But more importantly … I ordered my wedding dress. I did it online because the one place I found it actually has my color and size in stock. So I jumped at the chance hoping that (1) it isn’t a scam (2) it’ll actually get to me before my wedding day and (3) it’ll need little or no alterations - that indeed that size I tried on in store on Tuesday will be a close enough match.

Tomorrow will be a pretty hectic day actually. I got lots to do and I am just hoping I can sleep tonite so I can function tomorrow. I wonder how I used to function at work when I was sleepless - cos right now I don’t think I could be very productive at work as is. I must’ve been cranky as hell … but then, I was once told that people liked me but always had to test the waters before talking to me lest I snap off their heads for some unknown reason.  That little titbit was startling in the least … I NEVER saw myself as that sort of person. But I guess frustration, exhaustion, burn-out and stress can make monsters of us all. *ponders*

Oh one annoying incident to note tonite: I grabbed a pen out of my pen-holder, hauled the cap off and started writing. Something alerted me to the fact that there was ink all over my hand. I don’t recall what now. But what I DO recall is seeing this nice HUGE blue fingerprint on the “w” and “s” keys of my beloved macbook.

Was *I* mad!!!! I am STILL mad. What the hell….. damned pens anyway. I must’ve been so caught up in what I was doing (chatting with the honey-sunshine), that I completely missed the fact that the damn pen had leaked out all over everything. Tomorrow I’ll tackle the pen holder itself… too tired and pissed tonite to look into it.

Grrrr…..